If I’m being honest, sometimes I get the birthday blues as my birthday approaches. Something about being another year older and not quite feeling like I’ve accomplished whatever my brain thinks is appropriate for that upcoming age. Which kind of makes sense, right? But this was a first, getting birthday blues for Husband’s birthday…
I think I had been reading a “vibe” he was giving off all week.. Sadness? Boredom? Just an overall blah feeling now that the initial excitement of the newness of deployment has faded? Then I read an email from him detailing how his birthday just did not pan out how he had hoped.. and those birthday blues slipped right in, uninvited.
Earlier that day he had opened the birthday box I sent him, complete with Little Debby cupcakes, Happy Birthday candles, ridiculous happy birthday glasses, and a huge party popper that I assume is full of confetti. He didn’t get to have a cupcake or pop the confetti… and I swear I could hear the sadness in the tone of his email. (Rightfully so… no cake or cupcakes on your birthday sounds downright wrong!) He didn’t say anything, but I’m sure he was also secretly hoping to have more to open. (And he will… damn that mail taking forever to get to the Middle East!)
Well, it all just broke my heart. I got into my car at the end of the work day and cried. This was a first, feeling someone else’s birthday blues. I felt so helpless. How can I make this better? Why didn’t I send more? Why didn’t I send things earlier? Why didn’t I ask our families to send things weeks in advance?
So I threw myself into major care package making mode this weekend. What else could I do? It was the only thing I could think to do to benefit both of us.. it will keep me entertained and feeling productive, and it will undoubtedly bring him joy to receive these silly boxes.
I had been feeling really great about how awesome I’ve been handling deployment… this birthday reminded me that this whole situation just SUCKS. And it’s ok to have a bad day. And it’s ok to channel those feelings into something else. And it’s ok to feel his feelings for him, ’cause he has to stay strong and on his A game to ensure he gets back home to me safe and sound.